WE ARE NOT CRAZY!
by Nukid
Summary: The akatsuki are forced to take a psychology test by the Dr Nukid. Are the Akatsuki truly insane, well find out for yourself
1. Chapter 1

Hi I'm Nukid and this is the first chapter in my new story. It came to me once when I was asleep and the idea on it's own made me laugh so after a bit of development I've pretty much thought this story out. Enjoy

Disclaimer: I do not own the Akatsuki or any Naruto character mentioned. If I did own them I'd be pretty chuffed

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The day was normal for the Akatsuki in their hidden base in the rain village. Deidara was tutoring and strangling Tobi at the same time. Kisame and Kakuzu were playing Monopoly and by the looks of Kakuzu was winning **(Well he does love money)**. Zetsu was watering his plants while munching on something that looked like a human finger. Hidan was doing the whole Jashin ritual thing and Itachi and Konan were talking about emo stuff. To sum it all up, it was a normal day for the Akatsuki. That was, until their leader pein came in view.

Pein: 'Everyone gather round, I have important news'

Hidan: 'Now!! I'm in the middle of a Fucking ritual. Jashin punishes those who do that'

Pein: 'Fine, you can stay on the ground and listen. Everyone else come here'

Everyone walked to pein except Hidan who was know doing the ritual and strangling Tobi for stepping on him. Deidara shook his head

Deidara: 'Your doing it all wrong Hidan, you need to get the dams apple to make him go really red in the face'

Kisame: 'How can you tell he's got a mask on?'

Pein: 'Will you shut up, now listen I got a letter today from a Dr Nukid. He says we all need a Psychology test'

There are murmurs between the members and Hidan jumps to his feet

Hidan: 'WHAT THE FUCK!? WHAT FUCKIN RIGHT DOES THIS GUY THINK HE HAS TO SAY WE NEED A PSYCHOLOGY TEST…..AW SHIT I BROKE THE FUCKING RITUAL!!!'

Kisame: 'Why do we need a mental test? We're all sane here'

Pein: 'That's exactly what I thought Kisame. ZETSU STOP MUNCHING THAT FINGER!!'

Zetsu: 'Sorry'

Itachi: 'Come to think of it wasn't this Dr Nukid the guy who tested Orochimaru before he left?'

_Flashback_

Orochimaru: 'Now it's not like I'm overly obsessed, it's just sometimes when I see a boys little young body, I think 'I have got to have that body'. That's right a body to transfer into…hey where are you?'

Unknown to him Nukid was in the wardrobe with a phone in hand

Nukid: 'Hello police, I've got a really big pedophile…..ye I haven't seen one this bad since Michael Jackson' **(Sorry to any Michael Jackson fans)**

_End flashback_

Pein: 'Oh yea your right Itachi, well anyways he wants to test us all now so we better get over to the clinic'

Tobi: 'Oh boy this will be better than the time I found a cookie, but not as good as when I found two cookies'

Everyone started to leave until Kakuzu noticed that Hidan was trying to hang himself on a noose from out of nowhere

Kakuzu: 'What the heck are you doing?'

Hidan: 'Hey I broke the ritual and now I'm punishing myself so go get the ladder and help me'

**Hope you enjoyed the first chapter. Reviewing would be great and any constructive critism is appreciated**


	2. Konan and Deidara

Hey everyone, sorry for the wait but I'm finally done and ready to get this story going

Hey everyone, sorry for the wait but I'm finally done and ready to get this story going. Enjoy.

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All of the Akatsuki were outside Dr Nukids office siting down until Nukid came into the room

Nukid: 'Morning guys, my names Dr Nukid but you can just call me Nukid'

Pein: 'Hello Nukid. We were told to come here to be tested but I don't see why we're all pretty normal'

Zetsu: 'Boy did that nurse sure look delicous' everyone backed away from him after

Nukid: 'Well you see I've been getting complaints about you doing weird things like say taking kids to your hideout and then finding them dead

Pein: 'But that's to get their Demon!!'

Nukid: 'Nevertheless I still need to examine you all, now we will do this one at a time starting with….Konan, please step into my office Konan'

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Nukid: 'Now Konan I couldn't help notice that you're are the only girl there, how does that impact you in the workplace

Konan: 'Well before when they only saw my shadow when extracting a demon they didn't pay much notice to me but when people saw me in the flesh people started paying a lot of attention at me, and when they weren't talking they were just staring at me all the time'

Nukid: 'Now now I'm sure they didn't stare all the time

_Back outside_

Pein: 'I wish Konan would hurry up, I've got nothing good to look at'

Tobi: 'You could look at me Leader sir'

Pein: 'Madara, I mean Obito, I mean Tobi shut up'

Itachi: 'Nice save sir'

Konan then comes out the door

Nukid: 'Thank you Konan, now Deidara your next'

Deidara: 'About time hmm'

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Nukid: 'So tell me about your self Deidara'

Deidara: 'Well ever since I was young I've always loved to blow up things hmm'

Nukid: '……..Right tell me more'

Deidara: 'Well it was then I realised that exploding things was an art so I became an artist hmm'

Nukid: '………..O.k.……. how did you…erm..join the akatsuki?'

Deidara: 'Well they liked my art saying it was useful and maid me join hmm'

Nukid: 'Mr Deidara I can plainly see a problem with you and I would like to explain it to your boss'

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Nukid: 'O.k. Mr Pein, I can see an issue with both Konan and Deidara'

Pein: 'What are they?'

Nukid: 'First with Konan, now all of you be honest and this is confidential, have any of you sexually harassed Konan'

Pein: 'No' _I'm the boss of course I've fucked her_

Itachi: 'I haven't' _I only fucked her because we have a lot in common_

Kisame: 'Nope' _Fish need love too_

Zetsu: 'No' _Does eating her count_

Deidara: 'I didn't hmm' _hehehe exploding sex, that was one good night hmm_

Kakuza: 'Me neither' _Well it's not like I didn't pay her_

Hidan: 'Fuck no' _Forgive Jashin but it was only one night_

Tobi: 'What sex?' _I didn't but Madara and Obito did_

Nukid: 'Well okay. Now about Deidara, one issue was pretty obvious to me'

Pein: 'If it's about his exploding obsession, we know it's weird but it's useful to our cause'

Nukid: 'No it ain't that, his exploding love isn't nearly as bad as Kimberlees from Full Metal Alchemists'

Kakuza: 'Wait don'tell me you think he's still a girl'

Nukid: 'Not that either, you see I think Deidara has Tourette's'

Deidara: 'YOU THINK I HAVE WHAT HMM?'

Nukid: 'Think about it, you always finish your sentence with 'hmm'. It does seem like a Tourette case to me'

Kisame: 'He does have a point you know'

Deidara: 'I hate you all Hmm'

**Ah good old Tourettes. Stay tuned**


	3. Kisame and Kakuza

Welcome to chapter 3 of this pure craziness. Enjoy

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Dr Nukid was now in his office with Kisame

Nukid: 'Now Kisame, I can tell by looking at you that you're not a human'

Kisame: 'That's right I'm a fish'

Nukid: 'In that case what is a fish like you doing on land working for the Akatsuki?'

Kisame: 'Well I was kinda forced to'

Nukid: 'Really? Now I know this may be hard for you but can you please explain what happened'

Kisame: 'O...o.k.'

_Flashback_

Kisame is underwater singing

_The seaweed is always greener  
In somebody else's lake  
You dream about going up there  
But that is a big mistake  
Just look at the world around you  
Right here on the ocean floor  
Such wonderful things surround you  
What more is you lookin' for?_

Under the sea  
Under the sea  
Darling it's better  
Down where it's wetter  
Take it from me  
Up on the shore they work all day  
Out in the sun they slave away  
While we devotin'  
Full time to floatin'  
Under the sea

Kisame starts dancing with Arial and all other different fishes

_  
Down here all the fish is happy  
As off through the waves they roll  
The fish on the land ain't happy  
They sad 'cause they in their bowl  
But fish in the bowl is lucky  
They in for a worser fate  
One day when the boss get hungry  
Guess who's gon' be on the plate_

Under the sea  
Under the sea  
Nobody beat us  
Fry us and eat us  
In fricassee  
We what the land folks loves to cook  
Under the sea we off the hook  
We got no troubles  
Life is the bubbles  
Under the sea  
Under the sea  
Since life is sweet here  
We got the beat here  
Naturally  
Even the sturgeon an' the ray  
They get the urge 'n' start to play  
We got the spirit  
You got to hear it  
Under the seAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Kisame is pulled out of the water by a fishing hook holding his mouth

Itachi: 'Sir look what I caught'

Pein: 'My he's a big guy, perhaps he could be our newest member'

_End Flashback_

Kisame is now crying on Nukid shoulder while patting him on the back

Kisame: 'ARIAL…..FREE WILLY…..AND ALL MY FISH FRIENDS…I'LL COME BACK TO YOU!!'

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Back outside Konan and Deidara were thinking about their results

Pein: '(Grumble) Stupid Doctor (grumble) telling me I can't rape Konan'

Deidara: '(Grumble) stupid Doctor (grumble) saying I've got Tourettes hmm'

Itachi: 'Sir what are we gonna do about Deidara Tourretes'

Deidara: 'SHUT UP, I HAVEN'T GOT TOURETTES HMM'

Pein: 'O.k. Deidara if you haven't got Tourretes then don't say hmm after your sentence'

Deidara: 'Fine then (cough) My names is Deidara and I have not got Tourretes……..ah…naaaa…..eeee…aahhhhhhh…..please no…..HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM…aw damn it hmm'

Hidan: 'Guess the ass does have Tourretes'

Suddenly Dr Nukid slams into the room

Nukid: 'HEY, WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT SEXUALLY HARRASING KONAN!!'

Itachi: 'That wasn't Konan getting raped that was Deidara trying not to say hmm'

Nukid: 'Oh, well Deidara don't force yourself, let the mental asylum..I mean therapy deal with that. Anyway Kakuza your next'

Tobi: 'Don't worry Deidara san, I've been in an asylum before and it's fun'

Deidara: 'Oh god hmm'

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Nukid: 'So Kakuza tell me about yourself'

Kakuza: 'Well there are two big obsessions in my life, one of them is money'

Nukid: 'Ah yes it says in your profile that you've had many jobs in your life but lost them all, how so?'

Kakuza: 'Well that's where my other obsession plays in, killing people. He's how it went'

_Flashback 3 years ago_

We see Kakuza sitting in the burger king drive through

Manager: 'O.k. Mr Kakuza this is where you'll be working. I should warn you customers have a tendency of shouting'

Kakuza: 'Don't worry they're probably not that bad'

Kakuza puts on his headset and serves the first customer

Kakuza: 'Hello welcome to Burger king may I take your order?'

Customer: 'HELLO, I'D LIKE A CHEESE BURGER WITH KETCHUP'

Kakuza: 'OW sir can you please not shout'

Customer: 'I ALSO WANT A SHAKE, AND SOME DONUTS….WAIT WHAT ARE YOU DOING?...NO STOP THAT'S MY JAW I NEED THAT TO CHEW MY FOOD!!'

_Flashback 2 years ago_

We now see Kakuza in a shopping centre dressed a santa with a kid on his lap

Kakuza: 'Ho ho ho what do you want for christmas little boy?'

Boy: 'A playstation 3'

Kakuza: '……..YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME THEY COST TOO MUCH, I'LL KILL YOU!!'

_Flashback 1 year ago_

We now see Kakuza holding a Deathnote talking to Ryuk the shinigami

Ryuk: 'O.k. Kakuza, use this deathnote to kill those you think are evil but just evil, got it?'

Kakuza: 'Sure'

_5 minutes later_

Kakuza has already covered 10 pages of the deathnote and is still writing more

Kakuza: 'Britney Spears trying to make a comeback, EVIL. Paris Hilton starring in a movie, VERY EVIL. Al Kahn trying to ruin animes like Pokemon and One Piece, OH SO VERY EVIL'

_End flashbacks_

Kakuza: 'So there you have it, I guess you think I'm a psycho now'

Nukid: 'Not really, people do tend to shout in the speakers, PS3 are way too expensive, and all those people did deserve to die. But tell me how do you get money still'

Kakuza: 'Oh well Orochimaru helped me with that'

Nukid: 'You mean that paedophile, what did you do?'

Kakuza: 'We made a porno video which sold millions. It's called 'Can you tame my snake'. I've got a copy if you want to watch it'

_1 hour later_

Kakuza: 'So what did you think?'

Nukid: '………..Tell me if I'm wrong but was that Sasuke that Orochimaru was raping in the background'

Kakuza: 'Yea, and he actually thought Orochimaru was gonna train him, what a sucker'

Nukid: 'Well he certainly sucked something'

**I'm sorry If I've just scarred you mentally just now, stay tuned**


	4. Hidan,Itachi and Zetsu

Hey everyone

Hey everyone. I am so so so so so so so so sorry that it has taken this long to post the next chapter but I have been busy with GCSE so I haven't had much time but here it is enjoy

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Hidan was in Dr nukids office with his examination

Nukid: 'Now Hidan I hear you are quite the religious man'

Hidan: 'Damn right, I'm a fucking Jashinist'

Nukid: 'You mean that religion where they think killing people is good?'

Hidan: 'Sure bloody is'

Nukid: 'Surely that wasn't the first religion you believed in?'

Hidan: 'YEA………O.k. no there were other religions before'

_Flashback 3 years ago_

Hidan is talking to a Jewish preist

JP: 'I am so glad you want to become Jewish, now if you please allow me to circumcise you'

Hidan: 'Is that some kind of a initiation, o.k. then'

JP: 'Please lie down then'

Hidan lied on the floor while the Priest got out some kind of tool

Hidan: 'So what do I have to do say an oath or somethi…….WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO MY PENIS?!

_Flashback 2 years ago_

We now see Hidan walking into a confession box in a catholic church

Hidan: 'Forgive me father for I have sinned'

CP: 'How have you sinned my child?'

Hidan: 'Well, two months ago I killed a guy because he said my hair made me look gay. Then I killed another guy for spilling coffee over me. Then I killed a dog for being annoying every second

_5 hours later_

Hidan: 'Then I killed a waitress for taking too long to bring me my food. Then I killed a guy because he said that Death metal sucks. Finally I killed a baby because it kept staring at me. Did you get all that father?'

The Preist did not respond as he was cutting his wrist emo style

CP: 'THERE IS NO GOD!! THERE IS NO GOD!!'

_Flashback 1 year ago_

We now see Hidan talking to Tom Cruise

TC: 'Hi I'm Tom Cruise. You probably remember me from movies like Top Gun and Minority Report'

Hidan: '…..Wait a minute. Weren't you in that South Park episode where you wouldn't come out the closet?'

TC: 'Why in sciences name do you have to remember me from that? Of all the things I have done in my career'

Hidan: '……Errr…….wait were you the main character in Brokeback Mountain?'

TC: 'I'M NOT GAAAAYYYYYYY!! Anyway you came here because you are interested in Scientology. What would you like to know?'

Hidan: 'I want to know what gods you believe in and what they are like'

TC: '……Umm…..we Scientologists don't believe in gods'

Hidan: '……………………..'

_Next day_

Reporter: 'Tom Cruise was found last night dead with every limb torn of and eyes plucked out. Tom Cruise was famous for…….errr…..was he in Brokeback Mountain?'

_End flashback_

Hidan: 'So there you have it Doc what do you think?...Doc?'

Nukid: '_Well I was just standin' here_

_And Tom Cruise locked himself _

_In the closet,_

_Asked myself why won't Tom Cruise_

_Just come out of the Closet_

_And nobody has no answers_

_And so I pull out my gun!!_

_Tell me why Tom Cruise in_

_The closet or else I'm gonna_

_Shoot someone!!_

Hidan: 'What the fuck are you doing?'

Nukid: 'Oh sorry I was reminiscing that South Park episode'

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Dr Nukid was now talking to Itachi

Nukid: 'So Itachi you may not remember but we have met before'

Itachi: 'What? When?'

Nukid: 'Before you killed your clan remember?'

Itachi: 'Oh yea'

_Flashback morning before clan massacre_

Nukid: 'Mr and Mrs Uchiha, your son was nearly raped last night by an unknown ninja'

_At the same time_

Orochimaru: 'I only wanted his body, what is wrong with that?'

_Back to me_

Nukid: 'Your son is in a critical condition. One more shock and who knows what might happen'

Mr Uchiha: 'Thank you Doctor, we'll be careful. Where's Sasuke?'

_Meanwhile_

Itachi is in his room lying on his bed

Itachi: 'Think happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts'

Sasuke then walks into the room

Sasuke: 'Errrr big brother'

Itachi: '…Yes Sasuke…'

Sasuke: 'You know those teen soap operas you've recorded'

Itachi: '…………….Yes Sasuke…….'

Sasuke: 'Don't get mad but….erm…I've…..kinda taped over them for DragonBall Z episodes'

_That night_

Sasuke: 'Why brother? Why did you kill everyone?'

Itachi: 'BECAUSE YOU TAPED OVER MY SOAP OPERAS. I'LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR THIS!!'

_End Flashback_

Nukid: 'Don't you think you went a little overboard. I mean at least it was something good like Dragonball Z'

Itachi: 'I don't like Dragonball Z'

Nukid: '……………….'

_5 minutes later_

Itachi is held down to a chair by bodyguards

Nukid: 'GET THIS MAN TO AN ASYLUM QUICK. THIS MAN IS CRAZY!!'

Pein: 'What's wrong with Itachi Doctor?'

Nukid: 'He is out of my hands Pein. I don't know if we can save him. Anway Zetsu your next'

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Nukid: 'Now take a seat Zetsu. Excuse me while I eat this Donut' Nukid eats the Donut getting sugar all over his mouth

_Errrrrrrrrr _Zetsu thought

Nukid: 'Excuse me while I put some of this strawberry smelling deodorant' Nukid then sprays it everywhere on him

_Oh my god _Zetsu thought trying to resist the urge to eat me

Nukid then accidently spills a cup over him

Nukid: 'Aw crap I got Hot Chocolate all over me'

_Must resist……Must resist_

Nukid: 'Oh did I tell you I ate 30 softmints in one go before the meeting so my breath is really..'

MUNCH

Nukid: '………Errrr Pein……I think I know what is wrong with Zetsu'

**Why me? Any way hope you enjoyed and I'll try not to take as long this time**


	5. Tobi and Pein

Hey everyone

Hey everyone. Just so you know this is NOT the last chapter I have one more after this. Enjoy

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Dr Nukid was in his office and staring suspiciously at Tobi

Nukid: 'So Tobi, IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME….Which I know for fact isn't'

Tobi: 'But….Tobi is Tobi'

Nukid: 'Don't play dumb with me Madara Uchiha

Tobi: 'Tobi doesn't know who Madara is'

Nukid: 'Hmmm it looks like to awaken Madara I will need a expert. Let's see, who has an old and powerful person living inside their mind

_1 hour later_

Nukid is outside his office with Yugi from Yugioh with him

Nukid: 'Thanks for coming Yugi'

Yugi: 'No prob, I don't see how I could help but I'll see what I can do'

They then walk into the office where Tobi is waiting

Nukid: 'Yugi I want you to meet Tobi my patient'

Yugi: 'Nice to meet you Tobi'

Tobi: 'Hello YugAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH'

Tobi then falls to the ground and has weird spasms. He slowly gets back up and starts laughing evilly

Tobi: 'Hm hm hm hm. We meet again Pharaoh'

Yugi: 'What? You know Pharaoh?'

Suddenly Yugis' millennium puzzle shines and Pharaoh takes control of his body

Pharaoh: 'Madara, we meet again'

Madara: 'So it seems. Since we last duelled I have trained so I will be able to beat you. Now draw'

Madara then pulls out a deck of Duel monster cards

Nukid: 'Wait Madara's a duelist?'

Pharaoh: 'Very well Madara. It's time to Duel!!'

_Screen goes blank. Screen turns on again to show authors Chibiskitty-Donna and Ranger24_

Ranger24: 'Hi I'm Ranger24 a friend of Nukid'

Chibi: 'And I'm Chibiskitty-Donna a friend of his as well'

Ranger24: 'Now as you can tell Madara and Pharaoh were about to have duel card battle'

Chibi: 'Unfortunately Nukid has no idea how to write a yugioh battle'

Ranger24: 'So instead Nukid made these two helpful adverts for you to enjoy'

Chibi: 'So wait he's a doctor and a movie maker?'

Ranger24: 'He ain't much of one. Ever since people found out he made the Eragon movie he couldn't get a job'

Chibi: 'Well it's no wonder why'

_Screen goes blank. A screen turns on with the title '__Tourettes__ and you'_

Nukid is then shown standing in the middle of a street

Nukid: 'Tourettes and you. Hi I'm Nukid. Today I would like to combine my knowledge as a doctor and my incredible acting skills to explain to you about Tourettes'

Nukid then walks to a boy who keeps shaking his hand

Nukid: 'Now it may seem weird to some people that this boy can't stop shaking his hand. But you must always remember that they cannot help it. It is due to a syndrome that they have which cause them to do so and therefore should not be made fun of'

Nukid walks and camera cuts to the Akatsuki hideout

Nukid: 'Now sometimes Tourettes can be a big hinder but many overcome this syndrome and live a successful life. Just ask this man who not only is a powerful ninja but a member of the lengendary Akatsuki even with his bad case of Tourettes. Isn't that right Deidara?'

Deidara: 'FOR THE LAST TIME I DON'T HAVE TOURETTES HMMMMM!!'

_Screen goes black. Screen turns with title 'Dragon Ball Z haters and you'_

Nukid is then shown in a kitchen with a middle aged women. Suddenly a ten year old boy runs into room

Nukid: 'I have a question for you Parents. Has there ever been a time when your son came in the room and said….'

Boy: 'Mummy, there's this person at school who says that DragonBall Z is nothing but retarded shit. What should I do?'

Nukid: 'Ah such a hard question isn't Parents. You are struggling to decide what you should tell him but have no fears because I have here the perfect response to this undenialbly hard question. This is what you should say…..'

Mom: 'Son, anyone that hates DragonBall Z are either Nazis, Fangirls or 4kids lovers. When you see that hater again, make sure you make the hater suffer in so many ways so he'll never hate it again'

Nukid: 'A perfect response. Remember parents, don't be afraid to tell the truth. Tell your kids to make sure DBZ haters suffer and die to make a better future for us all.But also remember to tell to be lax on the haters of GT. They partially deserve it

_Screen goes blank. Screen comes back to Nukids office_

Nukid: '………………That…..has to be…..THE MOST EPIC YUGIOH BATTLE EVER. THE SERIES NEVER HAD ONE THAT BRILLIANT!!'

Madara: 'It seems that we are even Pharaoh. However next time it will not be so easy'

Pharaoh: 'Indeed until next time Madara'

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After Yugi and Tobi left Nukid had one member left. Pein

Nukid: 'So Pein as leader of the Akatsuki do you take pride in the Akatsuki?'

Pein: 'What? Of course I do. We're the worlds most dangerous organization

Nukid: 'Mr Pein it is wrong to lie here'

Pein: 'Well..I…er…oh fine I admit they weren't my original choices. I originally had the worlds strongest villains by my side 10 years ago

_Flashback 10 years ago_

Inside the soon to be Akatsuki hideout was Pein and some of the greatest villains in history

Pein: 'Gentlemen, welcome to my secret lair. I have brought you hare because I believe that if we work together we can defeat anyone. Now lets introduce ourselves shall we. First from the Fire nation it is Fire lord Ozai'

Ozai: 'Greetings'

Pein: 'From the sky islands it is the lightning god Enel'

Enel: 'Whassup'

Pein: 'Once from the group soldier turned murderous rogue it is Sephiroth'

Sephiroth: 'Hmmm'

Pein: 'From the Empire it is Darth Vader'

Vader: 'The force is strong here'

Pein: 'Our next member is dragon rider and ruler of Alagaesia. He is King Galbatorix'

Galbatorix: 'Good to be here'

Pein: 'Finally our final member is….Orochimaru?'

Voldemort: 'I'm Lord Voldemort!!'

Pein: 'Oh sorry you look alike. Any way our groups main focus is domination of the universe. Now to do that we must…'

Enel: 'Excuse me but who the heck made you leader'

Pein: 'What? I made the group I'm the leader!!'

Ozai: 'Absurd. I'm obviously the leader seeing as I already control the Fire nation'

Enel: 'No I'm the leader because I'm pratically made of lightning'

Galbatorix: 'No I'm the leader because I'm a dragon rider'

Voldemort: 'No I'm the leader because I'm a magician'

Sephiroth: 'No I'm the leader because I'm an ancient'

Vader: 'No I'm the leader because I AM YOUR FATHER!!'

End Flashback

Pein is now seen crying

Pein: 'And so since then. All I've gotten to replace them is fishman, a cannibalistic plant, a money loving whore, a pedophile, a religious retard, a split personality idiot, a women that gets raped by everyone, a guy with Tourettes, a DBZ hater, and guy who lost to the most useless character ever!!'

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Nukid is now seen talking to Ranger24 and Chibiskitty-Donna

Chibi: 'I got to you credit Nukid. You got story without saying Tobis famous catchphrase'

Ranger24: 'Ye man you did a great job'

Nukid: 'Thanks you guys. I wanted to do something original for Tobi so I didn't use that line not even once in this chapter'

Tobi: 'Tobi is a good boy'

_1 minute later_

Nukid: 'DAMN IT TOBI I'M GONNA KILL YOU I SWEAR TO GOD!!'

Nukid is seen chasing Tobi with what looked like a scythe while Ranger and Chibi had huge anime sweatdrops over their heads

**Well not long left till this is finished. Stay tuned**


	6. Extra chapter: Sasori

Hey everyone. This is NOT the final chapter but you see 3ware mentioned that I had not interviewed Sasori. Originally I wasn't going to seeing as he dies and Tobi replaces him but I thought why not seeing as you've all made me feel proud to make this story with your gracious reviews. GOD BLESS YOU ALL

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Dr Nukid was waiting for Sasori to come and see him because unlike the other Akatsuki members Sasori asked to see him. Sasori walked through the door

Nukid: 'Hey Sasori how are you?'

Sasori: 'Hey doctor and no I'm not feeling alright'

Nukid: 'Why what's wrong?'

Sasori: 'Well I feel like I'm going crazy ever since I lost my fight'

Nukid: 'Oh come on now, everyone loses once in a while it happens'

Sasori: 'It's not the fact that I lost that's horrible it's who I lost to which is bad'

Nukid: 'Come on Sasori. Who could it be that it is so bad to lose to?'

Sasori: 'Sakura'

_5 minutes later_

Nukid: 'HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA'

Nukid could not stop at what he had heard which annoyed Sasori

Sasori: 'GOD DAMMIT STOP LAUGHING NUKID!!'

Nukid: 'But HAHA you lost HAHAHAH to Sakura BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA'

Sasori: 'I CAME HERE FOR HELP BUT ALL YOU'VE DONE IS LAUGH AT ME. I'M OUTA HERE!!'

Nukid: 'O.k. see ya. Try not to get mobbed by evil squirrels on your way home. They can be real hard to beat HAHAHA'

Sasori slams the door shut leaving Nukid alone

Nukid: 'Man losing to Sakura. What other unexpected things are gonna happen today

_3 hours later_

Nukid is walking down a street and sees Naruto and Sasuke…..holding hands

Nukid: '……..Naruto…..Sasuke……Why are you holding hands?'

Naruto: 'Don't you know Nukid'

Nukid: 'Know what?'

Naruto and Sasuke: 'WE'RE GAY!!'

Nukid: 'WWWWHHHAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT!!'

_The next day_

Nukid is knocking on Sasoris door who opens it

Sasori: 'Nukid?! What are you doing here?'

Nukid: 'Sasori, ever since you told me you lost to Sakura, the most unexpected things ever have happened. So many I have had to list them. Here's the list'

Nukid hands the list to Sasori and this is what it said

**Unexpected things that have happened today**

Sakura was useful

Naruto and Sasuke are gay

Rock Lee has spikey hair and small eyebrows

Shikamaru is being energetic

Chouji is on a diet

Jiraiya is spying on the mens changing rooms

Kakashi was early for his meeting

Hinata was shouting and swearing at everyone

Kiba bought a cat

Shino was squishing bugs

Orochimaru was singing 'Thriller night'

Conclusion: THE WORLD HAS BEEN THROWN INTO CHAOS!! WE WILL ALL SOON PERISH AS THE SKY FALLS ON US AND KILLS US ALL. EVERYONE MUST CONVERT TO JASHINISM NOW OR WE WILL DIE!!

**This is what happens when Sakura actually does something useful. MADNESS I SAY!!**


	7. Conclusion and suprise

Hello everyone and welcome to the final chapter of my story. It has been a great pleasure to write this story and to show my gratitude I have a surprise for you in this chapter. Read and enjoy

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A cameraman is shown filming Nukid who is sitting at his desk

Nukid: 'Hi everyone. A few week ago I finished examining all the Akatsuki members and i have sorted out what they needed to gain stability. Starting with Konan who has gone to therapy classes to help get over her being raped'

_With Konan_

Konan is in a huge room filled with people sitting on chairs with a women on stage

Therapist: 'Now ladies I would like you to look to your right, and now look to your left. If your sitting next to a boy or two they are most likely going to rape you'

Konan: 'Err miss'

Therapist: 'Yes Konan'

Konan: 'Well I'm sitting next to two boys and they both already raped me'

Therapist: 'What!! We've only been here 5 minutes'

Axel: 'Believe me that's all the time me and Roxas needed'

Axel then high fives Roxas

_With Nukid_

Nukid: 'I advised Sasori to train in order to beat Sakura and fight people slightly weaker than Sakura to be ready'

_With Sasori_

Sasori is in a fighting stance about to fight……a Turtle

Sasori: 'You're the closet to Sakura in strength and ability. You're going down'

Turtle: '…………'

Sasori: 'STOP MOCKING ME!!'

_With Nukid_

Nukid: 'Because Kisame misses the sea I was able to get him a place at the nearest seaworld

_With Kisame_

Kisame is seen swimming around with the other fish while a worker at the seaworld goes to him with some fish

SW: 'Say Kisame would you like some fish?'

Kisame: 'Why yes I would please'

SW: 'Before you get it though you have to jump for it'

Kisame: 'I have to what?'

SW: 'Come on, be a good fish and jump for it'

Kisame: 'Say that one more time and I will kill you'

SW: 'Wow sounds like a certain fish is grumpy. You now have to some flips for it….where did that huge sword come from? WAIT WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THAT'S MY ARM WHY ARE YOU CUTTING IT OFF?!'

_With Nukid_

Nukid: 'After Madaras' huge and epic battle which you would have been really unlucky to miss against the Pharoah ended Madara went off to train'

_With Tobi…or Madara_

Tobi with Madara in charge is sitting on the floor surrounded by duel cards

Madara: 'Next time we meet Pharoah you will not be so lucky. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!'

_With Nukid_

Nukid: 'Now with Kakuza I fortunately didn't need to do anything seeing as his pornos are selling so well. In fact he's got some new ones coming out. Here's a list of them

**Kakuza porno movies list **

Shaving Ryans private

Indiana Bones and the Ass Crusade

E.T. Extra Testicle

Jurassic Pork

Nukid: 'Wow I'm sure Orochimaru can't wait for those. As for Orochimaru after years of searching we have finally found him and is currently on trial'

_With Orochimaru_

Judge: 'Michael Jackson, you are charged with sexual assault on infants. How do you plead?'

Orochimaru: 'For the 100th time I am not Michael Jackson. And I'm not raping those infants I'm stealing their bodies!!'

Judge: 'Oh so you admit you have committed Necrophilia?'

Orochimaru: 'WHAT?! NO!!'

_With Nukid_

Nukid: 'Luckily for Deidara, there is a meeting every week for people with his symptoms so I told him to go there'

_With Deidara_

Deidara is sitting on a chair in a circle with some other people

Tourette's leader: 'Hello everyone ASS. Today we have a new member here today who has only just come to terms with his Tourette's ASS!, TIT FUCK MY ASS!!'

Deidara: 'Look I don't know what Nukid told you but I'm telling you I don't have Tourette's hmmm'

Female Member: 'We all know it's hard to accept but you'll get used to it soon'

The girl then punches Deidara in the face

Deidara: 'OW WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR? HMMM'

TL: 'Oh that's Jenny ASS!! Her Tourette's causes her to punch the person she's talking to ASS PISS IN MY ASS!!'

Deidara: 'WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS CRAP?!'

_With Nukid_

Nukid: 'Now because Zetsu is a cannibal I had no choice but to make him a vegetarian. But I'm pleased to say that he is doing well with it and would like to say something to you all. When your ready Zetsu'

Zetsu: 'PLEASE KILL ME I BEG OF YOU. I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!'

Nukid: 'Doing fine Zetsu. Now to help let people know of his religon Hidan has decided to help spread the word of Jashin

_With Hidan_

Hidan is in a church in priest like robes talking to more than a thousand people

Hidan: 'Brothers and sisters, we are gathered here today to worship the great go Jashin who if followed obidiently will grant us happiness in the afterlife'

Everyone: 'Ahem'

Hidan: 'Now to please Jashin, we must all make our way outside and kill as many people as possible to please him. Remember everyone, more blood is good'

Everyone: 'HOORAY FOR JASHIN!!'

_With Nukid_

Nukid: 'I here they still haven't got all the blood out of the streets. Now seeing as Pein has leadership problems I have put him in charge of an armywhich no one really wants'

_With Pein_

Pein: 'Today is the day I take over the Leaf village. Now march and attack Konoha mighty fangirl'

Fangirl: 'And if we do this will you force Naruto and Sasuke to be together?'

Pein: 'Sure whatever'

Fangirls: 'CCCCHHHHHHAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGEEEEE!!'

_With Nukid_

Nukid: '……O.k. I won't deny that was a bad idea but anyway this leaves me to my final person. Now after hearing he hated DragonBall Z I was tempted to have him killed. But I learnt that there was a place for people with this problem so I sent him there'

_With Itachi_

Itachi is sitting in a damp room handcuffed to a chair while a T.V. is showing DragonBall Z episodes. A man then walks to him and turns it off

Man: 'Now, after watching that what do you think of DragonBall Z?'

Itachi: 'I think the story sucks, their power levels are ridiculous and they sound constipated when they fight'

Man: 'SILENCE!! DRAGONBALL Z IS THE GREATEST ANIME EVER AND YOU WILL LOVE IT!!'

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Nukid is now on the screen with the Akatsuki

Nukid: 'Everyone, today marks the fianal chapter in this story'

Akatsuki: 'HOORAY!!'

Nukid: 'Before I finish I just want to thank you all for clicking on this story and posting such generous reviews. I find it hard to believe you find my work that funny'

Itachi: 'Yea at our expense'

Nukid: 'Because of your great rviews I think you all deserve to have a sequel'

Akatsuki: 'WHAT!!'

Nukid: 'That's right, coming soon I will post the sequel to this. But today I will leave a little hint for ya'

Pein: 'What's that'

Nukid: 'Well you see you may be a group of letheal ninjas, but in my opinion it doesn't count as a job'

Kisame: 'What are you implying?'

Nukid: 'I'm saying you guys are unemployed'

Akatsuki: 'WE ARE NOT UNEMPLOYED'

**Coming soon**


End file.
